An Ol' Broad's Ramblings
50 Rules – Condensed
Charlie Sykes was kind enough to post a condensed version of his book, “50 Rules You Won’t Learn In School“, so I thought I’d repost them here. Jr, this is especially for YOU!
1. Life is not fair. Get used to it.
2. The Real World won’t care as much as your school does about your self esteem. It’ll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
3. Sorry, you won’t make $60,000 a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice president or have a company car. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a designer label.
4. You are not entitled.
5. No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess.
6. No, you cannot be everything you dream…… unless you have the talent, the education and the commitment to work for it.
7. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He doesn’t have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you FEEL about it.
8. Your navel is not that interesting. Don’t spend your life gazing at it.
9. Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t.
10. Life is actually more like dodgeball than your gym teacher thinks.
11. After you graduate, you won’t be competing with people who were raised to be wimps on the playground.
12. Humiliation is part of life. Deal with it.
13. You are not going to the NBA, so hold off on the bling and spare us the attitude.
14. Looking like a slut does not empower you.
15. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it “opportunity.”
16. Your parents and your little brother are not as embarrassing as you think. What’s embarrassing is ingratitude, rudeness, and sulkiness.
17. Before you were born your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are.
18. Life is not divided into semesters. And you don’t get summers off.
19. It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible.
20. Smoking does not make you look cool…it makes you look moronic
21. You’re offended, so what? No, really. So what?
22. You are not a victim.
23. Someday you may have to grow up and actually move out of your parents’ house.
24. Batman’s girlfriend is right: “It’s not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.”
25. Pi does not care what you think.
26. A moral compass does not come as standard equipment.
27. Your sex organs were not meant to engage in high order thinking or decision-making.
28. Somebody may be watching.
29. Learn to deal with hypocrisy.
30. Zero-tolerance = zero common sense.
31. Naked people look different in real life.
32. Television is not real life.
33. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
34. Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers.
35. If your butt has its own zip code it’s not because McDonald’s forced you to eat all those Big Macs. If you smoke, it’s not Joe Camel’s fault.
36. You are not immortal.
37. Being connected does not mean you aren’t clueless.
38. Look people in the eye when you meet them.
39. People in black and white movies were really in color in real life. And no, the world did not begin when you were born.
40. Despite the billion-dollar campaign to turn your brain into tapioca pudding, try to learn to think clearly and logically.
41. You are not the first and you are not the only one who has gone through what you are going through.
42. Change the Oil.
43. Don’t let the success of others depress you.
44. Your colleagues are not your friends and your friends aren’t your family.
45. Grownups forget how scary it is to be your age.
46. Check on the guinea pig in the basement.
47. You aren’t perfect and you don’t have to be.
48. Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point.
49. Don’t forget to say thank you.
50. Enjoy this while you can.
I like these 50+ rules better, but that’s just my snarky nature shining through.
Am I going to have to provide “an intervention”?
Just a few of the obvious:
2. Repetition doesn’t make anything right. – then stop repeating the same ol’ stuff.
6. Guns do kill people. – Uh….when you see a gun, get up all by itself lonesome, and shoot someone, you make sure you have a video camera running.
7. The rich get rich and the poor get poorer; it’s the Republican way. – EVERYBODY gets poor, it’s the Democrat way.
17. Bill Clinton isn’t still President. – Al Gore really did lose.
22. Saddam Hussein was not behind 9/11. – Yes, we know this. See rule #2.
25. Prayer doesn’t improve test scores. – Wanna bet? How do you think I made it through school?
28. Bill Clinton was incredibly popular. – With who?
35. Compassionate Conservatism is neither. – Actually, it’s both. “Hand UP, not hand OUT”.
40. Politicians should leave the science to the scientists. – True….get the Boracle out of science.
44. Being poor is not a character defect. – Refusing to get up off your butt and do something about it, is.
56. Poverty causes social problems. – Social programs cause more poverty.
57. The Constitution mandates a separation between church and state. – Where?
Just a few. Too early in the morning.
But my snark is almost awake! Heh.