An Ol' Broad's Ramblings
Lessons Learned, or Reiterated
1. When moving to a new area, get to know a few people who have been residents longer, preferably, those who have lived is said area their entire lives. This way, when you need a plumber, or landscaper, you can ask the right people who are in the know.
2. After having chosen the wrong landscaper, due to NOT talking to long time residents, make sure you are aware what said wrong landscaper has planted, and what needs to be done to deal with unrecognizable plants on a regular basis. However, before anything is planted, ask for a list of intended foliage and look up how they will appear in the long run. If on said list, you find a plant that will stab you every time you get near it, cross said plant from wrong landscapers intended list. Do NOT, under any circumstances, allow that horrid black plastic garbage bag looking stuff to be inserted into flower bed, even though said wrong landscaper insists it will prevent weeds from growing. It’s a lie. And it rots.
3. Once the said wrong landscaper has finished planting foliage that is totally unfamiliar, be sure to attempt the upkeep of said landscaping. Keep the leaves and weeds, that were suppose to be prevented, from accumulating. I don’t care how incapacitated you are! Hire a kid or something, just don’t let it go for 3-5 years. Trust me! And never fall for the “I’ll do it later” routine from the spouse. 
If need be, do it yourself, even if said spouse is the ‘gardener’ in the family.
4. Having begun the cleanup of said flower bed that was badly planted, with nasty black garbage bag stuff and lots of accumulated dead leaves, remember where you put those muscles you haven’t used due to several years of inactivity due to health issues. Use them slowly, until you build up the ability to actually function more than 15 minutes at a time, without being incapacitated for the next 24 to 48 hours. Gardening/potting muscles are a completely different set of muscles from the leaf raking and black garbage bag yanking muscles, and need to be treated accordingly.
5. Always, when you see something sprouting up in your flower bed, and you KNOW it doesn’t belong there, pull it out! Letting said sprout grow into a tree is not wise. Attempting to pull said tree out, by yanking on roots you find while pulling out rotting black garbage bag stuff may cause more problems than previously thought. Example: Using two hands for pulling stubborn roots is a good idea, however, pulling so hard that when said root finally is extracted from hard ground is likely to land you are your hind end on previously mentioned hard ground, bruising the wide, yet highly non-cushioned tush. I need a doughnut, and I don’t mean the kind you eat!
6. Once your spouse sees you laying on said hard ground after several minutes of ouching and laughing, request a hand up, cautiously. When spouse suggests you call it a day, it might be a good idea to actually listen, instead of attempting to use already sore raking muscles a while longer. Odds are, you will run into one of those spiky type plants you weren’t aware was going to be planted by bad landscaping guy.
7. After deciding enough is enough, and you are in more pain from previous fall on hind end, use extreme caution when going up steps. It is more painful than you might think.
8. Fire ants suck.
You did not mention the part about forgetting to wear gloves.
Ah HA! But I DID remember! The one thing I did right! LOL