Zo missed it on this one. Pat was answering a question from a woman who wanted to forgive her husband, who wanted to re-establish trust, but was finding it difficult. Pat was not sanctioning adultery, but was advising the woman about how to re-establish her relationship with her husband. What he was saying is that she must fall in love with him again, much like she did the first time.
I don’t think that Pat did a sterling job with his answer. He went off into some things that could have been left unsaid, and failed to say some other things that were needed. But Zo focused on the fact that adultery is wrong (which it most certainly is), not on the fact the woman was trying to forgive and rebuild her marriage.
Sterling job? *snort* Far from it! It’s always easier to forgive, which sometimes…isn’t all that easy, than it is to forget. You may have heard Pat from a different perspective (male) than I did, but I found his response to the woman who was TRYING rather condescending. She has to work harder so he won’t stray? HORSE MANURE! Men will be men?? Pfft! The man is the one who needs to be groveling…not her! Millions of men DON’T stray…everyday. From a female perspective, Pat wasn’t condoning, but he sounded like he wasn’t condemning the strayer, but the strayee. Once trust has been lost, it’s REAL hard to get it back. Without trust…. Well, there’s not much to work with. Trust me…been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and the emotional scars to prove it!
The woman asked what SHE should do, not what should her husband do. That was the question that Pat was attempting to answer. Notice that I said, I thought Pat DID NOT do a sterling job; I was not saying that he gave a great answer.
Everybody seems to want him to condemn the husband. That would not help the woman forgive her husband and re-establish trust with him. It simply would not. I’m not saying what he did was right; it most surely was not. She already knows that; she wants to know how SHE can forgive and begin to trust again. Emphasizing the wrong does not help that process. It only reopens the wound.
ACK! MALES! LOL I did pay attention to the question… I also paid attention to the answer. And I agreed…his answer was a wee bit off the mark! We are all weak humans, and definitely fall short…so no, I’m not actually condemning the husband. That’s not my job. Someone MUCH Higher than me has that burden (?).
And I repeat, from a female’s perspective, and one who has been through this, yes, she does have to work hard, but his job is even harder…to regain the trust that was lost…not to mention the respect, no matter how good a provider he is/was. What she can do? Well, from a Christian perspective, which is almost impossible for us weak humans, a total forgive and forget, make him feel wanted, and the like. The way Pat put it? In a pig’s eye! LMBO
She is making the attempt, and wanted advice. He sucked! A woman would likely answer the same question in a different manner. *putting snark hat on* Beat the crap outta him with a broom, THEN, talk it out…ask why he felt he needed to stray, what had she done that would send him elsewhere, then beat the crap outta him with a broom again. *removing snark hat* Work together on rebuilding the trust. His job is going to be much more difficult, but he shouldn’t turn into a jellyfish, which, sadly, some females want. UGH! And PRAY for guidance…. A LOT!!!