An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings
Archive for Chuckles
Welcome to the “Party”
I was talking to a friend of mine’s little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”
She replied, “I’d give houses to all the homeless people.”
“Wow - what a worthy goal.” I told her, “You don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, weed eat, and sweep my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house.”
She thought that over for a few seconds ’cause she’s only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”
And I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”
Her folks still aren’t talking to me. Oh well!
Courtesy of Sue H.
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Big Question of the Day!
Who is Benny Lava?
Swiped from Charlie Sykes.
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“Hope and Change”
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Love Those Marines!
Yeah, it’s old, but who cares. 
THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists.
The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.
When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God.
It comes in various sizes:
The Implantee may or may not be allowed to choose the size.
The implant may or may not be painless.
Some bleeding and or swelling may occur at the injection site.
Please enjoy the security we provide for you.
Best regards,
UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS
SEMPER FI
Courtesy of Ken the cop, retired Marine!
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An Idea!
OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can’t buy it? Tough! Eat your oil!
Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled fillet of camel ass!!!
Courtesy of brother in law Tom.
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An Oldie But Goodie
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, ‘I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.’
‘Well,’ said the big Croc, ‘what have you been eating?’
‘Politicians, same as you,’ replied the small Croc.
‘Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?’
‘Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.’
‘Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?’
‘Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the sh*t out of them and eat ‘em!’
‘Ah!’ says the big Crocodile, ‘I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the sh*t out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an a$$hole and a briefcase.”
Courtesy of Sharon.
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Learning to Speak “Democrat”
Swiped from Stop the ACLU!
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Copper Wire
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100 years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: ‘California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.’
One week later, ‘The Redneck Rebel Gazette’ in Pontotoc, Mississippi, reported the following: After
digging as deep as 30 feet in a corn field near Black Zion, Bubba Ray Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Mississippi had already gone wireless.
Courtesy of Bob, via Mr Ol’ Broad.
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Where’s “Scotty” When We Need Him?
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Our Energy Policies
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