An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings
Archive for Chuckles
Proof Stupidity Is World Wide
(I know you’ve seen this before. I may have even posted. But I think it’s hilarious, and should be repeated often. 
)
In Honor of Stupid People . . . .
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(and that would be???….)
Silly But Funny
New Test At NFL Combine…
So the wife turns on the TV this morning and found that I left it on the NFL Channel last night, since I was catching up on some of the combine coverage for the day. She has never actually watched any of the combine so she was kind of curious to see what it was all about. We were talking and I was explaining some things to her, when she burst into laughter. Now I’m not talking about a chuckle, I’m talking a side splitting hysteria. With a confused look on my face she tells me to look at the ticker on the bottom of the screen. PRICELESS! Apparently jumping the Ol Broad has become an official test at the NFL Scouting Combine!
Now that’s high quality comedy right there!!
ROFLMAO
Gleefully swiped from Christmas Ghost!
Had To Do It
I know you’ve probably seen this before, but I can’t help it. Had to post it. Every time I read it, I darn near fall off my chair.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. Loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Smart Cats
Four Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, ‘T-square, do your stuff.’
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Spreadsheet, do your stuff.’
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good!
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, ‘Measure, do your stuff.’
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, ‘What can your cat do?’
The Government Employee called his cat and said, ‘Coffee Break, do your stuff.’
Coffee Break jumped to his feet……..ate the cookies……..drank the milk……..pottied on the paper…….screwed the other three cats…….claimed he injured his back while doing so…….filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions…….put in for Workers’ Compensation. ……….…..and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY HEALTHCARE SHOULD NOT BE RUN BY THE GOVERNMENT!!
Swiped from Southern Sass on Crime.
HAD To Be Swiped!
Swiped from Bear Creek Ledger.
Swiped Off Twitter
Oldie But Goodie
I couldn’t resist!
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.’Fred,’ he replies.’Fred what?’ the officer asks.
‘Just Fred,’ the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. ‘Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?’
The biker replies, ‘It’s a long story, so stay with me.’ I was born Fred Johnson.
I studied hard and got good grades.When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.
Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.’The officer walked away in tears, laughing.Shared by Ken the cop.
Heh!
Another one of those “had to be swiped or my head would explode” type of things….from the king of snark!
UGH
Some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed…or VOTE!
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s photoshopped, but it’s still funny! 
A Bit Of Truth In Humor
An Israeli doctor said to a medical conference, “Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it into another and have him looking for work in six weeks!”
The German doctor stood up and said, “Well, medicine in my county is so advanced, we can take a lung out of one person and put it into another and have him looking for work in four weeks.
The Russian doctor got up and said “My country is even more advanced, we can remove half a heart from one person, put it into another and have them both looking for work in just two weeks.
Not to be outdone, the American doctor stood up and addressed the conference, “Well” he said “My country is so far advanced in medicine, we can take an asshole out of Chicago, put him in the White House, and have half the country looking for work in just 24 hours!”
And Now, For Your Viewing Pleasure….
….”Silent Monks” singing…..
Well, obviously they aren’t really monks! Duh!
Shared by Ken the Cop.
One Of Those “Just Cuz” Moments
The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the: United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) These mostly Southern boys will be dropped off into Afghanistan and will be given only the following facts about the Taliban and terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
The Pentagon expects the problem in Afghanistan to be over by Friday..
Swiped from Git-R-Done via America Coast 2 Coast.
Priceless!
Fantastic. Greg sends along this DIY FYI:
“Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.
First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.
Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.”
Shared by Sue.
