An Ol' Broad's Ramblings
Archive for Chuckles
Chuckles
Shared by Dr D.
*snicker*
Maine Gov. Paul LePage on NAACP: “Tell ‘em to kiss my butt.”
While attending a meeting for business leaders in Sanford, Governor Paul LePage spoke out about why he would not attend Martin Luther King ceremonies on the upcoming holiday.
LePage has declined invitations from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP). The organization has already expressed its displeasure with the governor’s plans to not attend the events.
“They are a special interest. End of story…and I’m not going to be held hostage by special interests. And if they want, they can look at my family picture. My son happens to be black, so they can do whatever they’d like about it,” said LePage.
It’s about flippin’ time someone spoke out against this race baiting bunch!
Jib Jab – Year In Review :)
Now That’s Funny Right There!
And sadly, very true! 
Swiped from GOP2112. (2112?)
Deer Ropin’
Nothing more than an “urban legend”, but I thought it was funny as hell. 
(Names have been removed to protect the stupid!)
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
Bats
This is very timely: the latest newsletter from The Texas Gardener’ Seeds said: Put up a bat house to encourage the presence of these shy animals. Bats consume 3,000 or more mosquitoes and other insects nightly, and bats are less likely to be rabid than dogs are. Need another reason?
Bats are responsible for up to 95 percent of the seed dispersal essential to the regeneration of forests.
Our planet is populated with plenty of bizarre and astonishing creatures. Here are three from the bat family ….. No need to resort to fiction.
Sucker-footed Bat
Red-Winged Fruit Bat
Left-Winged Ding Bat
So, 2 out 3 Bats have a useful purpose!
Shared by Suzanne. Hey…I thought it was funny!
IT’S SO HOT AND DRY IN TENNESSEE….
That the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
The Methodists are using wet-wipes,
Presbyterians are giving rain checks,
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn
back into water!
IT’S SO HOT AND DRY IN TENNESSEE….
….the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
….the trees are whistling for the dogs.
….the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance
….hot water comes from both taps.
….you can make sun tea instantly.
….you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
….the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
….you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
….you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
….you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
….you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
….your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death”?
….you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
….the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
….the cows are giving evaporated milk.
….farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
Swiped from The Rep.
Ever Had One Of “Those” Days?
*snicker*
Thanks Fred. I needed this today. 
Where can I get som’a dem seeds??
I Hate Commercials
But I gotta tell ya, this one is hilarious!
Too Funny Not To Share
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Alvin Greene Wins South Carolina Primary | ||||
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H/T: Mark via FB
Cattle Guards
A few months ago, President Obama received and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado. Colorado ranchers had protested his proposed changes in grazing policies, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the “cattle” guards immediately!!
Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten him out, Vice-President, Joe Biden, intervened with a request that…. before any “cattle” guards were fired, they be given six months of retraining.
Shared by Ken the cop.
Comment Left On My Facebook Status
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they “lick” themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog …. do get dirty and have a … See More variety of odors… from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog’s breath. (Remember… your dog will try to eat anything.)
Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question. So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you …. you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First …. dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welder’s gloves.
2. A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.
3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area beforehand. No … blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.
4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.
5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire… the cat barely notices you anyway.
6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom …. speed is essential. In one single liquid motion, shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he’s madder than a wet hornet.
7. As best, you can, wearing welder’s gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.
8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slides down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.
9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.
10. Next, the cat must be dried. No…this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat, reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.
11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.
12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door …. put towel wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.
13. In about 2 hours …. it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.
Thanks Ryan. I needed that!
Had To Do It!
Shared by Ick and Lajitas.
Kevin Cracks Me Up
