1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.

2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every single minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys — is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs… A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27. The trouble with life is there’s no background music

28. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don’t know what is going on.

So, I’m here, Spud is doing fine, and the teenagers have already started to drive me nuts, of course.  Apparently, I brought nasty weather with me.  Heh.  Good excuse to do nothing for a couple of days.  I’m pretty much worn out!

Missing my Mr, the kitties, and my bed already!  But sometimes, we gotta do what we gotta do. 

One bright point…there were magnolias in bloom all over the place!

It was just a short walk, thankfully, and I had the presence of mind to actually wear sneakers this time.  

We gobbled down lunch, and it was time for everyone to explore.  Did you know they mine for gold in NC?  I sure didn’t.

    Paula insisted this rock was going to be the BIG one….nugget, that is.

I think Julia was doing her Marilyn Monroe imitation. 

     Do you see any gold in there?  Me neither.       

Tadpole hell! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many tadpoles in one spot in my life.  

    Some young’uns were having a high ol’ time in the water.  Don’t know how, that stuff was COLD! 

Julia!!  Please!  No poking the children with sticks!!       Ok, so she wasn’t actually poking them.  The currents were pretty strong, and they were getting pulled away.   Thankfully, no small children were harmed in the poking…uh…picture taking episode.    Hey!  Yep, they were still looking for gold!  Obviously, they never found any.  Ok, so I did some snooping around as well.  Found some purdy mica.  Heh.

Making it through the first round of winding roads was a major accomplishment.  Back on a 4 lane highway, with a whopping speed limit of 55 put me back in happy land, thinking “Hey….that wasn’t so bad!”  Naturally, I turned off before I should have, pulled into a parking lot in Franklin, NC, checked the map and directions, and realized that sign that said “second right” didn’t mean THIS second right….it meant the ‘second right’ four exits down.    Seriously?  So, since I was already stopped, I noticed a store I could wander around in for a while, just to get of the truck for a bit.  It helped.  After snooping, and talking to a sales lady for a bit, making a small purchase, so I wouldn’t feel guilty, I got back in the vehicle, and finally made to the correct exit, going in the direction I wanted to go.

That’s when I lost my mind.  Or what little I had left.  No one said I was going to get sea sick driving 9 miles.  9 miles that took 2 hours.  Talk about your curving, winding road!  Holy cow!  Apparently, I’m not the only one who had this issue!  Heh.  Now, this was a road that SAID the speed limit was 35.  HUMPH!  Doing 35 on that road felt like 120 on a straight road, but without feeling the need to get a barf bag.

Someone said the directions were so simple.  Yeah.  That’s why I put an extra 10 miles on, going back and forth on a one mile stretch, making terrifying turn arounds in drive ways the size of a string of spaghetti, 2 inches from the winding, barely ONE lane road.

What was amusing was the fact that Paula was two hours behind me, yet we arrived at the same time.  I’m having a nervous breakdown, attempting to back in, when I look up, and there she is….face to face….me in my truck, and her in her soccer mom van. By the time we both got parked, I swear we were both vibrating from the ordeal we had miraculously survived!  THANK YOU CHRIS!!!!

We got into the house, sharing our hair raising adventures, when Beth called. “Where are you?” Apparently, Paula took one road, I took a different road, and Beth was coming from a totally different direction. After much back and forth, we decided it might be a good idea to go stand down on the road so she would see where to turn. Paula on one side, me on the other. Several minutes later, a frazzled Beth arrives, thankful we had been standing out there.

Beth, being the smart one of the bunch, brought food! Fruit and veggie trays, which was probably one of the best meals I’ve had in a while. We were alive to enjoy it!!

Julia arrived sometime later in the evening, and was totally baffled that we had had such a difficult time. Yeah, but it’s HER house….she knows where she’s going. If the directions she sent everyone had been followed, I think we would have all ended up in different parts of the state!

It’s beautiful here though, and I’m glad I made the trip!

Julia thought it would be a good idea to grab some burritos, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, and head up to Sunset Hill (?) to eat. Biggest dadburn burrito I’ve ever seen in my life. And pretty tasty too. I don’t think any of us finished them.

Yep, it was fairly impressive.  Thankfully, Julia took into account my limitations, and didn’t make us walk up that hill.    The occasional boulder made it interesting though.  Totally grateful Paula let me use her shoulder stepping up, and going back down.  I don’t seem to do too well on uneven paths.  Gee, can’t imagine why. 

Next came a totally different experience.  Totally organic yuppie grocery store?  Well, some might call it that, but I’d call it a wine and coffee bar, with a few ‘organic’ veggies, and ‘green hell’!  I’m thinking if you want real food, you have to go elsewhere.  However, Paula and Julia did a great job, and dinner was terrific.  I even ate a couple of asparagus.  Yep, no doubt about it!  My taste buds have gone through another oddball change.

The cooks, Paula and Julia.

My hat.

Last night, we played a game I had never played….Rummicube?  Anyway, it was like gin rummy with tiles.  I sucked!  But it was fun.

Naturally, we kept waiting for the ‘super moon’. Paula would go out….nope…not yet. I’m thinking because we’re in the mountains, with trees out the wazoo, we didn’t really get the full affect. But, after realizing that where we are, we ain’t seeing much, Julia piled us all in her vehicle, and off we went in search of a better view. First, near the golf course.

Beth holding up the moon!

Then, a bit of idjit box, and off to bed.  It is great to sleep with the windows open, nice and chilly, and curled up under a comforter. 

This morning, I came out to the porch, thinking today is Sunday, and I’m missing church.  Then, it hit me.  This is God’s cathedral.  He made this whole place, and I can praise him for the beauty that He has given us!

There is one thing I’ve learned. I can’t wear those nicotine patches. They are NOT the same as the ones I got in the hospital!! It wasn’t bad enough they made me itch, they make my jaws tighten up? UGH! Oh well. I had planned on going smoke free for the weekend, but thankfully, I had a spare ashtray in the truck, and Julia doesn’t mind me sitting out here on the porch.

Ok, perhaps it’s not much of an adventure to most folks, but remember, I’m old!    It’s the simple things in life that are important, spending times with friends, and surviving the trip here! 

And big feet! He gets those from Brat and Jr. I have the smallest feet of the bunch, including SP, the 13 year old. sigh…

A new blankey! Monkey blankey! Spud monkey blankey!

Now, it is past time to be unconscious!

It’s been a much longer day that I was expecting.  It really doesn’t look that far on the map, but reality is something else, isn’t it.  Leaving an hour and a half later than ya had planned, cuz ya kept realizing ya forgot stuff, doesn’t really help much either.  sigh…

So…I’m heading east on U.S. 64, and did you know that after you pass Lawrenceberg, there are NO c-stores on the right hand side of the road?  Nope.  Oh, there are, but they are either shut down, or ya don’t see ‘em till after you pass ‘em.  UGH!  I was SO happy to see I-24.  And as I stated on my FB status,  “Thank you God for Eisenhower and rest areas!”  Jiminy crickets!  Guess it was a good thing I didn’t bring that bottle of water with me. 

Getting through Choo Choo, as in Chattanooga, was no where near as nerve wracking as it was the last time we drove through.  I was worried I was going to get caught in rush hour traffic.  Then I saw that “time change” sign.  Thank goodness.  Sort of!  I really don’t like eastern time.  Everything is later, but my internal clock ain’t.

From the time I hit the interstate, I had been craving lo mein.  I have no idea why.  But after getting checked into the motel, I had to ask….where is there a Chinese restaurant, and do they deliver!  Down the road, and no.  UGH!  Of course not.  So, I got my stuff up to the room, which lemme tell ya, was NOT easy.  Stiff, aching, and SO ready for jammies, but…..first….tummy!

I found the restaurant with no problem, but it was a tad farther than the clerk had said.  I lived.  Got my yummies, and was heading back when  I happened to glance to the side where there was a strip mall, and all I saw was Badcock & More.

I had to have seen that wrong!  So, after stuffing my face, calling the Mr to let him know I was still alive, I had to look it up.  Yup!  That’s what I saw alright.

Naturally, I couldn’t see the ‘home furniture’ part, but still.  Seriously?  And I don’t typically have a mind that strays in such a direction.  No offense, but that isn’t exactly a store I’d be wanting to buy furniture. 

So, you’re asking…where is she off to this time?  Well, even if you’re not, I’m gonna tell ya anyway!  I am heading towards Highland, N.C. to spend a couple of days with a few Smart Girls! 

I’m gonna freeze to death!  I forgot to bring a jacket, and naturally, didn’t think to bring long britches….of any kind.    Yeah…I’m a genius.  sigh…

At the moment, I am sitting in a motel in Cleveland, Tennessee.  I think there is a Cleveland in every state.    When I finally got around to turning on my computer, got out the cord, plugged it in the wall, and blew a fuse.  Honestly.  Then, I noticed there was no coffee pot?  Are you kidding me?  How do they expect me to function without coffee in the morning!

So, I called down, and they just now brought one up.  However, I failed to mention that the bedside lamp is no longer functional.  Oh well, do I really need that lamp?  Can’t think of any reason, since there are 3 others in the room.  I think I’ll survive.

So, if ya missed me today, you’ll likely miss me even more the next few days, cuz odds are, I won’t be doing a whole lot of blogging.   No Saturday links either.    But, at some point or another, there will be pictures.  We’ll be talking about politics and such, I just won’t be writing much about it.

In Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying. Well loved for faithfully serving the people of the nation’s capital and well known among elected officials, he knew his earthly mission was over.

He motioned to the vigilant nurse beside him and whispered “My dying wish is to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die. The message was well received by the White House as an opportunity for favorable publicity, and the two set out with urgency to get to the deathbed before it was too late.

Obama commented to Reid, “Ï don’t know why the old guy wants to see us, but it will certainly help our popularity ratings with the Catholics.”

When they arrived at the bedside, the old priest took Obama’s hand in his right hand and Reid’s hand in his left hand. Immediately a look of serenity and peace covered the old priest’s face.

Expectantly, Obama asked “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, Why did you choose us to be with you at the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

“Amen”, said Obama.

“Amen”, said Reid.

The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same.”

So, I popped in there, found some cute sandals, but nothing that totally grabbed me.  Then, I noticed they had opened up a little clothes area.  Being the nosy person I am, and still having time to kill, I wandered over to snoop.  Found some camo britches, but they were too heavy, so I continued to look around.  That’s when I saw it, and my enjoyment of wandering was killed.

So, I made it to my doc’s appointment, only to end up waiting about 45 minutes. Well, that wasn’t as bad as the wait I had yesterday down at the heart doc’s. I could have done some serious shopping during THAT wait. Finally, got in, did the prep stuff…BP perfect, temp normal, pulse a little high, but shoot, wouldn’t yours be?

After all the nonsense we’ve had to deal with the last couple of years, now my thyroid is ‘slowing down’? Seriously? What the heck does that mean! *shakes head* Well, it means unexplained weight gain, which of course, chaps my hide since I’ve been working really hard to actually LOSE. AND, what little metabolism I had, has decreased. Oh joy. She wants to do a blood test in a couple of months, to make sure it’s not cancer or a tumor. She doesn’t think so, but she was actually more concerned about my ability to pay for the tests since my insurance so seriously sucks, than actually doing the tests.  Oh, fer petes sake.    Like one more medical bill is gonna make a difference?  Well, that’s ok, I don’t have enough time for that right now anyway.  AND…to add insult to injury, evidently, I cracked my tailbone (again) when I flew backwards last week.  Nothing they can do about that though.  It’ll just have to heal….sllloooooowwwwlly…by itself.  Just suppose to be cautious.  I can do cautious.  If laziness was considered a disability, I’d be living off YOUR tax money.  Heh.

Well, she didn’t put it quite like that…she actually said: “Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We’re going to work together on President Obama’s reelection campaign.”

Shared by Sharon.

2.  After having chosen the wrong landscaper, due to NOT talking to long time residents, make sure you are aware what said wrong landscaper has planted, and what needs to be done to deal with unrecognizable plants on a regular basis.  However, before anything is planted, ask for a list of intended foliage and look up how they will appear in the long run.  If on said list, you find a plant that will stab you every time you get near it, cross said plant from wrong landscapers intended list.  Do NOT, under any circumstances, allow that horrid black plastic garbage bag looking stuff to be inserted into flower bed, even though said wrong landscaper insists it will prevent weeds from growing.  It’s a lie. And it rots.

3.  Once the said wrong landscaper has finished planting foliage that is totally unfamiliar, be sure to attempt the upkeep of said landscaping.  Keep the leaves and weeds, that were suppose to be prevented, from accumulating. I don’t care how incapacitated you are! Hire a kid or something, just don’t let it go for 3-5 years. Trust me! And never fall for the “I’ll do it later” routine from the spouse. If need be, do it yourself, even if said spouse is the ‘gardener’ in the family.

4. Having begun the cleanup of said flower bed that was badly planted, with nasty black garbage bag stuff and lots of accumulated dead leaves, remember where you put those muscles you haven’t used due to several years of inactivity due to health issues. Use them slowly, until you build up the ability to actually function more than 15 minutes at a time, without being incapacitated for the next 24 to 48 hours. Gardening/potting muscles are a completely different set of muscles from the leaf raking and black garbage bag yanking muscles, and need to be treated accordingly.

5. Always, when you see something sprouting up in your flower bed, and you KNOW it doesn’t belong there, pull it out! Letting said sprout grow into a tree is not wise. Attempting to pull said tree out, by yanking on roots you find while pulling out rotting black garbage bag stuff may cause more problems than previously thought. Example: Using two hands for pulling stubborn roots is a good idea, however, pulling so hard that when said root finally is extracted from hard ground is likely to land you are your hind end on previously mentioned hard ground, bruising the wide, yet highly non-cushioned tush. I need a doughnut, and I don’t mean the kind you eat!

6.  Once your spouse sees you laying on said hard ground after several minutes of ouching and laughing, request a hand up, cautiously.  When spouse suggests you call it a day, it might be a good idea to actually listen, instead of attempting to use already sore raking muscles a while longer.  Odds are, you will run into one of those spiky type plants you weren’t aware was going to be planted by bad landscaping guy.

7.  After deciding enough is enough, and you are in more pain from previous fall on hind end, use extreme caution when going up steps.  It is more painful than you might think.

8.  Fire ants suck.

Go here, or here, and do yourself, and Wyatt, a major favor.  It is Earth Day after all, and what better way to celebrate than to buy a book, made of paper, from a tree, just to piss off the eco-nazis.  Heh.  Aw…c’mon.  It was a little bit amusing. 

I had checked Mapquest, read the directions sent with the invite, looked at Mapquest again, then Google Maps, read the directions several times, and just KNEW I could make it without getting lost. Uh huh! Let’s put it this way….it’s a darn good thing we left early! It was about an hour drive according to what Mapquest AND Google Maps said. *blink*

I know it said turn left at the first stop sign. So I did. And we drove….and drove…and drove. Ya know, it’s right pretty out that way, but the problem was, that wasn’t the way I was suppose to go. sigh… So, I finally turned around, and drove….and drove….and drove….and passed that stop sign, where I should have turned right, and drove…. THEN we got to the stop sign where I was suppose turn left. *shakes head* We made it! With 10 minutes to spare.

Sadly, I forgot to take my regular camera…naturally…so the pictures I got aren’t all that great. I did try to get pics of the procession but what I got were a lot of blurs.

So, here we have the groom, Brennan! Is it just me, or does he look terrified? LOL Evidently, I wasn’t the only who noticed. *snicker* Aw…that’s ok. He’s entitled. His life has now taken a whole different direction. Heh.

One thing I noticed….it seems to me they did this all a bit backwards. Aren’t the groomsmen suppose to escort the bridesmaids, then the best man enters with the groom, then the ring bearer, the maid of honor, then the bride? Hmmm… Well, there was the groom, the best man was followed by the groomsmen. Then the bridesmaids followed by the maid of honor, and ring bearers. Sadly, the little bitty one with the cute tight curls was too little bitty to be seen, and all I got as she passed by was a tiny blur. sigh…

Dad almost didn’t give the bride, Lindsay, but finally, he let go. *tear* It was so cute.

Then, they had the vows. There was some hesitation, and I’ve yet to figure out if they were going to say them without prompting, or Brennan was zoning. Heh.  But, they did get through it, and it all turned out ok. Then the rings.   It took a bit to get his on. Do ya ever notice that it’s usually a wee bit harder to get the groom’s ring on than the bride’s? Wonder why that is? Is it cuz males are so resistant to be ‘claimed’? LOL

Now, I’ll be honest…I have NO idea what this was all about. They each took a rose out of a vase, and put them in a vase with other roses. Then they stood there a bit, whispering to each every once in a while.

Then, they were pronounced man and wife, everyone cheered, and we all tried to figure out where the reception was going to be held. Finally, someone gave out directions to the high school. Huh? Well, ok…this is a small town in Tennessee. So, we headed down the road, found the school, and it wasn’t the right school. Really? As I was parallel parking, and doing quite a good job of it too, someone stopped and let us know…it was the NEXT school down the road. Ummm… okie dokie.

Now, ya know you’re at a Southern wedding reception when you find yourself anxious to get the BBQ! Hey…it was good stuff! Well, it was until I bit my tongue. Lemme tell ya…hot BBQ sauce on a bleeding tongue is extremely painful! But that didn’t stop me from chowing down. That sucker didn’t quit bleeding until I waded through many tasty cakes and pies. No, I didn’t eat all of the yummy goodies. I took a couple of bites, and let the Mr have the rest.

I completely zoned taking pictures cuz there was so much going on, bumping my gums with folks, watching Brennan yank off the tie, jacket, vest, shirt and exposed his KISS t-shirt. Heh. The groom’s cake was KISS themed. Ya get the impression he has a thing for KISS?  I’m not real sure why, cuz he’s pretty good with his country singin’ and pickin’.

ADDED:  Found a picture of that cake!    Brennan had it on his FB page.  Seriously dude?  It’s your WEDDING night!  LOL

The tongue biting incident was bad enough, but then, poor Yvonne lost her crown. Oh…she was NOT a happy camper!   Where else but small town USA could you call your dentist’s assistant, at home, on a Saturday, and get her to get a hold of the dentist so he can stick a crown back where it belongs?  I just love it here! 

Luckily, I managed NOT to get us lost on the way, and we thought it would be a good idea to pop by the old car show at one of the local eateries, and check out Rodney’s (neighbor and church member) restored Hudson.  Well, we saw two really cool Hudsons, but no sign of Rodney.  Oh well, that’s ok.  We were both pretty tuckered by that time anyway.  My jammies and bunny slippers were calling my name!  It has been quite an eventful day.