I HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS!

I noticed that Mr Peacock was all by his lonesome. Where was the Mrs? No where in sight!

The way I’ve figured it…as long as they stay on the back deck, where they can no longer do damage, we won’t have a problem with them. They seem to like our deck, snuggled up in the shade. Once they go around to the front, where we are working hard to spruce the place up, and start their dance of destruction, we WILL have a problem, and eventually, will deal with their invasion!

But I STILL HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS!

I went to get my last cup of coffee, and lo and behold…………….

Will it never end? Will our lives be consistently plagued by them? Will I ever catch that evil fowl, and snatch those tail feathers off his hind end?

Then, I looked up, and TA DA! They evidently didn’t believe he was serious about them vacating the premises. EVIL! Just plain EVIL!

So, it was time to do the ‘infamous ol’ broad peacock dance’….which entails me hobbling behind them, doing my best to herd them towards home. Not the easiet thing to do, lemme tell ya! We went around the house. We went across the yard. We danced through the field, several times, when finally, I do believe the male, at least, got the message. There would be no eating of recently potted flowers for them! At least, not today….so far. He waddled himself back down the hill towards home.

The female, on the other hand, not the brightest of God’s creatures, thought it might be fun to play hide and seek around a tree. First, we went one way, then we went the other way..round and round. Stupid bird! Eventually, I suppose she decided she wasn’t going to win this game, and headed off after her mate. Wise decision!

Have I mentioned recently…..I HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS? Well, if not….

I HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS!

Things You’ll Need

Healthy peacock
Bird cleaning tools
Recipe

Instructions

1  Acquire a peacock. There are several ways to get your hands on a good roasting peacock. Sometimes farmers sell their peafowl at livestock auctions. While this may be a hit-or-miss scenario, it may be worth checking out a local livestock auction. Otherwise, check online for peacock or poultry/pheasant dealers. If you can locate a company online, there’s a great chance that you can also order a peacock online or by phone.

Well now….  acquiring said foul fowl might not be such a problem at all! 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

So…after the Mr chased ‘em off, what did they do?  Why, they had to come around to the front, where I had just spent a small fortune on new plants and flowers to put on the porch.  Previously, they had destroyed every single plant I stuck in a pot, along with the pots, or plopped in the ground.  Nearly $500 worth of damage!  And I’ve yet to see a dime from their owner!  I wouldn’t have bothered this year if I had thought they were back.  Well, not the originals, because….heh….they all went to peacock heaven!  Want some feathers? 

So, you’re asking…why not just take these out as well!?  Well, I’d like to give the guy a chance to keep his evil fowl …. on HIS property.  If not, then, I reckon we’re going to add to our collection of peacock feathers!  Hopefully, if we do have to send them off to wherever peacocks go when they’ve been blown away, the male will still have all those feathers attached.    Hey…he’s the one who told me to shoot ‘em if they kept coming around!  I took him at his word!

It is not amusing to see a short chubby ol’ woman, with a bad heart and a fake knee flying out the front door in her jammies, chasing those evil creatures away from my flowers!  Thank goodness the Mr didn’t have a camera in his hand!  We went all the way around the house….big evil, followed by little ol’ woman, followed by the girlfriend, who had the gall to squawk at me!  HUMPH!

I finally got them headed in the direction of home, and thought that was it.  I waddled m’self back into the house, sat down, look up, and who is looking back at me?  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!  So, we had to do the Peacock Dance….again!

I HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS!

Gonna give the man a chance to save this one. If he doesn’t, we’re going to add to our peacock feather collection! (insert appropriate peacock hating words here)

Unfortunately, I also found the kittens I had thought were carried off by coyotes or some such. Sigh… They’re all in a pile, playing in what use to be the flower bed on the side of the house. That puppy seriously needs to be cleaned out, so said kittens will go away?  One can only hope!

Looks like the ‘neighbor’ got all those great tail feathers before we could send Mr Bird to peacock heaven and strip his hinder. Heh. Just as well.

Well, naturally, me being me, I have to ‘discourage’ that stupid bird from coming up on the porch, so off I go, in my jammies and a pair of flip flops. Jammies, not a problem. Flip flops? Not such a great idea. Did you know that grass is still damp even at 10 in the morning? Well, it is at our house this morning. And it needs to be cut too. The taller the grass, the more wet my jammie bottoms got, and since I never went out to rake the last time it was cut, naturally I get covered in grass clippings. All because of that stupid bird!

Cool tail feathers, eh? heh heh heh I have been very hesitant to let the Mr shoot him, since it’s the “neighbor’s” very last one. Can’t imagine what happened to the other six.

I finally convinced him he didn’t really want to be over here, I think. While I was out playing peacock chaser, I came across this, that looked a whole lot cooler in person than it does in the picture.

Just in case ya can’t tell, that’s a spider web, all covered in dew. While I detest spiders, they sure do make some cool webs!

Oh, and by the way……I hate that freakin’ bird!!!!

Ick and Short person left this morning, after much hard work on Ick’s part.  I was sitting here, enjoying the quiet, minding my own business, look up and see……….a bird, crapping on our walkway.  Now, normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, birds do it all the time, and it’s just part of nature.  HOWEVER, after the infamous Peacock War, I didn’t expect to ever be chasing after THIS again!

Now, after the “neighbor” told us if his birds bothered us, to just shoot them, why on earth would he get another one of those stupid birds?????? Did he forget what he told us? Does he want us to shoot this one too?

Nice tail feathers, but honestly, I’ve got a whole bucket of the things sitting in my garage right now from our previous encounters with those stupid peacocks. I don’t want any more! Not sure what to do with the feathers I’ve got! But I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend all my time chasing after HIS stupid birds and cleaning up after them!

Hmmm….. I wonder if I have the patience, or inclination, to wait till I can gather up a sack load of HIS bird’s crap and present it to him, along with his damn bird’s carcass? Minus the tail feathers, of course! 

I stopped taking care of the real flowers when my knee started crapping out, so what better way to have some color?  Silk ones!  Well, evidently, this bird is too dumb to know the difference.

I keep wondering what Mr Spot would do if he ever actually got a hold of that bird.  He sure does have a great time attacking the window though.  Obviously, he’s not in attack mode here, but he was.  Guess he got tuckered out pretty quick, since he hadn’t had breakfast yet.

Honestly, it was just a tad too nippy for me to go haulin’ out the door, in my jammies and bunny slipper to go chasing him…not to mention my knee isn’t quite up for that kind of joyful activity. 

Now, seriously, I wouldn’t mind them staying out in the weedy areas.  Great lawn mowers in a way.  But if we don’t run ‘em off, they tend to get into the stuff we spent money on to have planted, and they killed 3 of my magnolia trees.  Not to mention numerous other plants and flowers.  Which by the way, for which said ‘neighbor’ never did re-emburse us.

I managed to hobble out there, cane and all, and shoo ‘em off.  At least for the time being.  Did you know that canes don’t work too well on soft ground?  The off and on rain from the recent hurricanes and tropical storms did manage to water the grass quite a bit.  And that’s the ONLY time this dirt has been soft.  Just ask the Mr!    The stuff is like concrete most of the time.

Oh yeah, back to the goats.  I’m thinking a big ol’ goat roast might be in order if Mr “neighbor’ doesn’t fix his fence…….again.

Honestly, I thought he was dead…..gone to the great peacock world in the sky!  Perhaps that was seriously wishful thinking on my part.  Well, now he’s up on the roof, crapping all over everything, pecking around, getting on my nerves.

Yes, I know.  Shoot him.  But in my current lack of sleep condition, do ya really think that would be such a wise move on my part?  Naw….didn’t think so either!

I REALLY hate that bird, and all his little birdies that ‘went’ before him! 

I spent a lot of time putting some pretty flowers in pots, with flower feed, and sticking ‘em on the front porch. I even watered the little suckers from time to time. I dead headed ‘em, I even talked to ‘em, but lo’ and behold, they bit the dust. Mostly, I can’t even blame the peacocks, at least not for the couple of months or so. Their numbers have been greatly diminished ( ) and we haven’t seen the last one around in a while. We had NOTHING to do with that!

So, I took an acquaintance’s advice! I stuck silk ones in the wagon!

Hey, if they die, then I KNOW it’s a “conpsicuousy”!

I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the other umpteen billion pots, but I’m pretty sure, fake stuff will be in there future. At least until next year.