An Ol' Broad's Ramblings
Archive for The Peacock War
Feather Anyone?
Two Down, Five to Go!
There’s nothing more disconcerting that to look up from the trusty laptop to see someone staring at you. When that ‘someone’ is an EVIL bird, you thought you got rid of, it’s down right annoying.
And I sure as hell don’t much care for them shaking their asses at me either!
Well, there are now two less of the foul fowls! Heh. Mr. Ol’ Broad took Mr. Red Truck at his word!
Ok, yeah, I feel kind of bad, but then again, HELL no I don’t! They have been making my life a living hell since we moved in this place. I’m trying to convince the Mr. to clean them. Christmas dinner and all that! I mean, really, when you shoot something, you’re suppose to eat it, right? Isn’t that why ya hunt? Ok, this wasn’t exactly a hunt. Birds too stupid to run away when there are loud bangs (which wasn’t as loud as I expected) deserve to be shot. Pfft!
And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is what two 
 peacock carcasses looks like!
Kath Got Her Wish
A friend and commenter on this blog was disappointed there were no more peacock sightings. Well woman, they’re back! The war is not over!
While on the phone to Mr Ol’ Broad, Jr yells…..’THEY’RE BACK!” Being the dense sort that I am, I had to ask who’s back. Her words…..”THOSE DAMN PEACOCKS!” Tsk tsk….language! But I know the feeling all too well. After a blissful couple of months or so, the evil fowl have made a reappearance.
Ya know, it’s kind of nippy out there this morning, but what do I do? I go chasing after them, around the corner, back of the house, up on the deck.
I hate those damn birds!
Frost on the Punkin’
Ok, so there isn’t a pumpkin within my sight, but there is definitely frost! And the fog is rolling in! Dang, it looks just like……FALL! You know, with the trees all multi-colored and such.
According to my iGoogle weather thingy, it’s 26 degrees four miles down the road. I guess it must be somewhere around that here too. A might nippy.
I just realized…..it’s been about 3 weeks since I’ve seen those evil birds! Hmmm…. wonder if they are sitting in someone’s freezer right now, just waiting to be Thanksgiving dinner? Heavens knows, I sure haven’t gotten a check from the old guy to replace or repair the damage the dadburn critters did around here. Maybe he figures as long as I don’t sic any more lawyers on him, all is well? Suits me fine!
Tomorrow Jr and I will be setting out…..again….heading to Wisconsin for the week. Do I need a heavy coat? Or will my jean jacket do just fine? I don’t know what I did with my sweaters. I know I’ve got some around here somewhere. Even a hoodie or two, I’m sure. Hmmmm…..might have to go shopping. 
Welcome Vistors
Well, at least for the moment. No doubt, they’ll do something to piss me off too.
Ya can’t see ‘em too well, but he’s got antlers.
NO Jiro, you can’t shoot him…..yet.
Reckon this is the little woman, and the young’uns. There were five of them in all.
Yes, I know, the pictures are fuzzy. Gimme a break! It’s pouring down rain out there. I prefer my showers on the warmer side, and sans clothing.
Hmm….they’re almost the same color as the dirt.
Dang!
Jr was sitting there, watching the idjit box (the news, believe it or not), when all of a sudden she yells, “MOM! GET YOUR GUN!” Well, even if I had been inclined to do so, it would have been a tad dangerous for her…..and me. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that kid move so fast ……. EVER! She successfully dispatched the evil birds in short order.
If ever there was a time I wish I had had a camcorder, it was for that. Although, I don’t think I could have gotten it going in time. They have now had the fear of Jr put into ‘em!
Now, if I could just get her to clean her room that fast, I’d be a happy camper.
Visitor
I had a rather interesting visitor this afternoon. I saw this old red pick up truck pulling up my drive with an obviously elderly man at the wheel. Since I don’t know many people around here, I was puzzled. He honked, evidently expecting me to come out to him. Well, I thought it odd, but what the heck.
He asked me if I was the person having problems with his goats. Ok, yes, I am. He asked me why I didn’t just come tell him about the problem. I politely told him I wasn’t really sure who they belonged to, and it wasn’t so much the goats that were the problem, it was peacocks. Then, the man finally introduced himself and said he had received a letter from a lawyer. He wasn’t too happy. Gee, so sorry. I’m none too happy about battling with his stupid critters on a regular basis. I was polite though, and told him that I have lost all but one of my potted plants, my newly planted trees had been stripped, and two are obviously dead. I am constantly cleaning up peacock poop from both my front porch and back deck, and honestly, I’m not physically able to chase them off for hours at a time.
Then the man said something that nearly made my jaw drop. He said, “Well, I can’t bring myself to shoot them, but you can. Don’t you have a shotgun?” 
Holy crap! It’s obvious that this character doesn’t really give a care about his animals. He also said, “I can sell the goats if need be, but not the peacocks.” Um….why the hell not? He said he has a pen he keeps them in, but they get out. Well, yeah, I’ve seen his pens. I’m not too sure those things would keep a buffalo corralled. After he left, it occurred to me, I should have asked him why he didn’t just put a ‘lid’ on the peacocks pen? You know, like an aviary. Or how ’bout clipping their wings so they couldn’t fly. Nope, after thoughts are great, but kind of useless.
I was also informed, after pointing out all the feathers I had collected, that I could sell them at the flea market, for a buck a piece. Terrific. I’m going to take my stash of feathers, pay a buck for a booth, sit out in the heat, and wait for someone to come along and buy a feather? Yep….big picture of THAT happening.
He told me he’d repair the fence so the goats shouldn’t be a problem in the future. Fence? What fence? There is no fence, and no evidence of a fence ever being there in the first place.
One important thing. I do have 3 witnesses to his statement about shooting the spawn of satan, so if they become a bad smell in the woods, or a good one as they roast, I am clear. 
I actually had gun in hand……
…..and put it down. sigh…. Since about 6:00 this morning, I have been doing the ‘dance’. Back, forth, to, fro. I’m exhausted!
The freakin’ sun wasn’t even up, when I saw them moseying across the back yard, from the opposite direction of where they live. Hmmmm…..
I honestly believe that SOB that owns the birds is standing on the other side of the woods chasing them back over here. I got the spawn of satan to leave, came back in the house, for the 8th time, sat down at the kitchen table, looked towards the trees and saw them hauling ass back over here. This happened 3 different times.
I did, however, bean one of ‘em in the ass with a rock. Ok, so it was a ricochet, but still……
I had nothing better to do this morning……….
…… so I thought I might as well chase peacocks from the back of the house, to the front, and repeat the process several times.
….back.
….front.
Rinse and repeat. With the ever trusty ‘water cannon’ in hand, of course!
After battling the evil fowl yesterday for a good 3 hours, I was closer this morning to shooting the SOBs than ever before. Jr and I chased them out of the yard. Half an hour later, they were back. I’m starting to sense a major conspiracy since the lawyer may have contacted the scuzz bucket who owns them. Or, perhaps, the cops actually talked to the guy, and this is pay back time? Either way, those birds will be elsewhere in the not too distant future. Whether they’ll be creating a bad smell someplace, or getting hit by a Mack truck on some distant highway, I don’t much care.
I HATE THOSE FREAKIN’ BIRDS!
Evil Birds
After Mr. Ol’ Broad took a shot at the marauding fowl before heading back north, I thought, perhaps, they had realized in their tiny little brains they were not welcome around here. I thought wrong. Even though they hadn’t put in an appearance, while we were home, they are evidently too stupid to figure it out.
I went and talked to the Chief of Police for our tiny town about my ‘problem’. I point blank asked him if I could shoot them without any repercussions. What he said….. “Well, I can’t tell you CAN shoot them…….”. He left it pretty open ended. 
He did say I could legally relocate them. Yeah, big picture. I’m going to go out there in my jammies and cage the feathered devils. Uh huh.
He also told me he was well aware of the ‘owner’ of these critters. He had had run ins with him previously, and the man takes NO responsibility for his animals. He even refuses to actually claim them, even when it’s common knowledge who they belong to; horses, goats and birds….it just doesn’t seem to matter to him if they are killed, either on the highway, or elsewhere.
I really am getting tired of cleaning up after HIS animals.
Luckily, I ran them off before they could do even more damage. That pot USE to have flowers in it, before they killed them a few days ago. You should have seen THAT mess.
The cop told me the only legal recourse I have at the moment is a civil lawsuit. Lucky us. We have to battle with a fruitcake over HIS problem.
Jr told me, while I made a quick run to the store yesterday, that she chased off the goats.
I still think land mines, barbed wire and a shotgun should be legal.
Shhh….I’m Hunting Those Wrascaly Peacocks!
Ok, not me exactly. Jiro, on the other hand, is out there, right now, shotgun in hand! Naturally, no sightings of the evil fowl……….so far! Mr. Ol’ Broad decided it was a mite too early for him to be out and about. Since the birds usually make an appearance anywhere from 7 to 9 in the mornings, can’t say as I blame him. But then, Jiro is an early riser, the Mr. is not.
UPDATE: The Mr. has, as of 7:30, has joined in the wait. You know full well, because they are out there, ready to take aim, the feathered pond scum will NOT show up! sigh….
Update 2: Couldn’t resist!
“I’m at one with the perennials.”
And no sign of the evil birds.
A Day Without Peacocks…….
…..would be a damn good day!
Jiro considered using his .45, but thought it would be too loud. To whom? The birds?
Home, Verse 2
Kitties have new toy….
Nothing like a crinkle bag to hide from Mr. Spot!
Jr. has new toy…..
PEACOCKS!
Home
We made it home safe, not so sure about sound, and found a total disaster on the front porch. I can’t wait till those SOBs show up again. We’re talking toast!
I 
HATE PEACOCKS!
The “War” Rages On
I’m defenseless! My water cannon (always sitting at the back door) is out of commission, temporarily. So how do I spend my morning? Why, running after evil birds in my jammies, of course. Normally, I can do ‘the dance’ without actually going out into the yard. Occasionally, the stupid birds will become defiant, and I’ll have to chase ‘em a bit, but they’ll usually get the message, especially if the ever famous, and trusty water cannon is in play.
This morning, the first thing I see, after a not so great awakening (thanks Mr. Spot, for making my face and fingers your new toys!), is one of those disgusting fowl chasing one of the feral cats I’ve been feeding. If I had been more alert, I would have grabbed the camera to try and get a shot of that. It was quite amusing. By comparison, the bird is HUGE next to this itty bitty kitty.
I knew my day was not off to a great start when I started trying to pelt the dadburn things with rocks. I throw like a girl! 
But hey, I did manage to chase ‘em up the berm. It’s a shame they didn’t go about 20 feet farther in that direction cuz then they could have become…..ROAD KILL!
Naturally, it didn’t end there. I was sitting here, and look up to see two of them sitting on the deck railing. Out the door I waddle! The dance continues….chase, yell, cuss, etc. They stopped short of actually heading back through the woods, but I thought it was just a matter of time.
Nope! 15 minutes later, I go to see what Mr. Spot is squawking about, batting at the window. There they were, ALL of ‘em, kicking the dirt out of my potted plants, crapping on the front porch, and spreading my collection of feathers all over the place.
Let’s just say Mr. Ol’ Broad better be careful this morning! The ol’ broad is NOT a happy camper!
