An Ol' Broad's Ramblings
Because I NEED The Smiles
TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE.
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every single minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!
19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys — is nonetheless DEAD.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26. Ham and eggs… A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27. The trouble with life is there’s no background music
28. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29. I smile because I don’t know what is going on.
Here!
I arrived in Podunk Texas around 3 after a rather interesting drive. The one thing, other than the raving lunatics who evidently can’t read speed limit signs, was that HUGE elephant sitting on a trailer on the side of I-10. Obviously, it wasn’t a live elephant, but it was the size of one! Tusks and all! If I had been in the right hand lane, I would have had to pull over and take a picture. Oh well…you’ll just have to take my word for it!
So, I’m here, Spud is doing fine, and the teenagers have already started to drive me nuts, of course. Apparently, I brought nasty weather with me. Heh. Good excuse to do nothing for a couple of days. I’m pretty much worn out!
Missing my Mr, the kitties, and my bed already! But sometimes, we gotta do what we gotta do. 
Another Road Trip?
Yep! I drove 9 hours to get home on Monday, spent two nights in my own bed, with my Mr, got all the laundry done, packed, and took off this morning, drove 7 1/2 hours, and am, once again, ensconced in a motel room, on my way to Texas. I’m tired! When I walked in the motel, the clerk recognized me from my previous visits. “Look what the cat dragged in!” Heh. Yeah…but in reality, it’s more like what the cat wouldn’t even bother with. UGH!
One bright point…there were magnolias in bloom all over the place! 
Sunday Afternoon Outing
Just a few pics from Sunday afternoon. Julia herded us out the door, made a quick stop at one of the few places open before noon on a Sunday, the drugstore, popped by Subway to pick up lunch and headed to one of her favorites spots to sit back and watch the water. There was a water fall on the way, (Bridal Veil Falls?) which evidently, I’m the only one that didn’t notice on our way in. No clue who those people are….they just happened to get in my way. Pfft!
Adventure….Ol’ Broad Style
Friday afternoon, I arrived at my destination. Alive! I say alive because there was a serious question whether or not I would make it one piece. Leaving Cleveland, TN Friday morning, and getting back on the highway was fairly simple. Turn left, get gas, get going. Then we hit the two lane mountain road. Now, if you’ve ever driven through mountains of any type, you know there is always some SFB who has to ride up your tailpipe. Why? No one knows. Perhaps they believe they are invincible, and flying through curvy little roads at incredible speeds is what they need to do to prove to the world, or themselves, that THEY can do anything! Pfft! I saw way too many roadside ‘shrines’ of people who probably thought the same thing.
Making it through the first round of winding roads was a major accomplishment. Back on a 4 lane highway, with a whopping speed limit of 55 put me back in happy land, thinking “Hey….that wasn’t so bad!” Naturally, I turned off before I should have, pulled into a parking lot in Franklin, NC, checked the map and directions, and realized that sign that said “second right” didn’t mean THIS second right….it meant the ‘second right’ four exits down. Seriously? So, since I was already stopped, I noticed a store I could wander around in for a while, just to get of the truck for a bit. It helped. After snooping, and talking to a sales lady for a bit, making a small purchase, so I wouldn’t feel guilty, I got back in the vehicle, and finally made to the correct exit, going in the direction I wanted to go.
Didja Miss Me Today?
I missed me, too! 
It’s been a much longer day that I was expecting. It really doesn’t look that far on the map, but reality is something else, isn’t it. Leaving an hour and a half later than ya had planned, cuz ya kept realizing ya forgot stuff, doesn’t really help much either. sigh…
So…I’m heading east on U.S. 64, and did you know that after you pass Lawrenceberg, there are NO c-stores on the right hand side of the road? Nope. Oh, there are, but they are either shut down, or ya don’t see ‘em till after you pass ‘em. UGH! I was SO happy to see I-24. And as I stated on my FB status, “Thank you God for Eisenhower and rest areas!” Jiminy crickets! Guess it was a good thing I didn’t bring that bottle of water with me.
Getting through Choo Choo, as in Chattanooga, was no where near as nerve wracking as it was the last time we drove through. I was worried I was going to get caught in rush hour traffic. Then I saw that “time change” sign. Thank goodness. Sort of! I really don’t like eastern time. Everything is later, but my internal clock ain’t.
From the time I hit the interstate, I had been craving lo mein. I have no idea why. But after getting checked into the motel, I had to ask….where is there a Chinese restaurant, and do they deliver! Down the road, and no. UGH! Of course not. So, I got my stuff up to the room, which lemme tell ya, was NOT easy. Stiff, aching, and SO ready for jammies, but…..first….tummy!
I found the restaurant with no problem, but it was a tad farther than the clerk had said. I lived. Got my yummies, and was heading back when I happened to glance to the side where there was a strip mall, and all I saw was Badcock & More.
I had to have seen that wrong! So, after stuffing my face, calling the Mr to let him know I was still alive, I had to look it up. Yup! That’s what I saw alright.
Naturally, I couldn’t see the ‘home furniture’ part, but still. Seriously? And I don’t typically have a mind that strays in such a direction. No offense, but that isn’t exactly a store I’d be wanting to buy furniture. 
So, you’re asking…where is she off to this time? Well, even if you’re not, I’m gonna tell ya anyway! I am heading towards Highland, N.C. to spend a couple of days with a few Smart Girls!
I’m gonna freeze to death! I forgot to bring a jacket, and naturally, didn’t think to bring long britches….of any kind. 
Yeah…I’m a genius. sigh…
At the moment, I am sitting in a motel in Cleveland, Tennessee. I think there is a Cleveland in every state. When I finally got around to turning on my computer, got out the cord, plugged it in the wall, and blew a fuse. Honestly. Then, I noticed there was no coffee pot? Are you kidding me? How do they expect me to function without coffee in the morning!
So, I called down, and they just now brought one up. However, I failed to mention that the bedside lamp is no longer functional. Oh well, do I really need that lamp? Can’t think of any reason, since there are 3 others in the room. I think I’ll survive.
So, if ya missed me today, you’ll likely miss me even more the next few days, cuz odds are, I won’t be doing a whole lot of blogging. No Saturday links either. 
But, at some point or another, there will be pictures. We’ll be talking about politics and such, I just won’t be writing much about it.
Swiped!
From Cmblake6′s!
In Washington, D.C., an old priest lay dying. Well loved for faithfully serving the people of the nation’s capital and well known among elected officials, he knew his earthly mission was over.
He motioned to the vigilant nurse beside him and whispered “My dying wish is to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die. The message was well received by the White House as an opportunity for favorable publicity, and the two set out with urgency to get to the deathbed before it was too late.
Obama commented to Reid, “Ï don’t know why the old guy wants to see us, but it will certainly help our popularity ratings with the Catholics.”
When they arrived at the bedside, the old priest took Obama’s hand in his right hand and Reid’s hand in his left hand. Immediately a look of serenity and peace covered the old priest’s face.
Expectantly, Obama asked “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, Why did you choose us to be with you at the end?”
The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
“Amen”, said Obama.
“Amen”, said Reid.
The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same.”
Another Day In The Life…..
After getting my hair whacked and my fur ripped early this afternoon, I had about an hour to piddle away before my doc’s appointment. Ducked into the grocery store, picked up a few things for my road trip, and still had 40 minutes to kill. So, I decided to stop at the discount shoe place a lady suggested yesterday while I was down in Corinth. I’d been in there a few times, but never found what I like in my size, or anything in my size that I liked. Figured…what the heck…what was I going to do, spend even more time waiting in a doctor’s office than was absolutely necessary? After yesterday’s ordeal, wasn’t gonna happen.
So, I popped in there, found some cute sandals, but nothing that totally grabbed me. Then, I noticed they had opened up a little clothes area. Being the nosy person I am, and still having time to kill, I wandered over to snoop. Found some camo britches, but they were too heavy, so I continued to look around. That’s when I saw it, and my enjoyment of wandering was killed.
So, I made it to my doc’s appointment, only to end up waiting about 45 minutes. Well, that wasn’t as bad as the wait I had yesterday down at the heart doc’s. I could have done some serious shopping during THAT wait. Finally, got in, did the prep stuff…BP perfect, temp normal, pulse a little high, but shoot, wouldn’t yours be?
After all the nonsense we’ve had to deal with the last couple of years, now my thyroid is ‘slowing down’? Seriously? What the heck does that mean! *shakes head* Well, it means unexplained weight gain, which of course, chaps my hide since I’ve been working really hard to actually LOSE. AND, what little metabolism I had, has decreased. Oh joy. She wants to do a blood test in a couple of months, to make sure it’s not cancer or a tumor. She doesn’t think so, but she was actually more concerned about my ability to pay for the tests since my insurance so seriously sucks, than actually doing the tests. Oh, fer petes sake. Like one more medical bill is gonna make a difference? Well, that’s ok, I don’t have enough time for that right now anyway. AND…to add insult to injury, evidently, I cracked my tailbone (again) when I flew backwards last week. Nothing they can do about that though. It’ll just have to heal….sllloooooowwwwlly…by itself. Just suppose to be cautious. I can do cautious. If laziness was considered a disability, I’d be living off YOUR tax money. Heh.
Disowning A Daughter
My daughter walked into the living room and said “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget college tuition, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window; take my TV, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to anyone who wants it.”
Well, she didn’t put it quite like that…she actually said: “Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed. We’re going to work together on President Obama’s reelection campaign.”
Shared by Sharon.
Just In Case…
I LIKE!
Now this is a cool t-shirt! I just may have to have one of these! Although, the Mr seems to think I already have enough t-shirts with ‘attitude’.
Lessons Learned, or Reiterated
1. When moving to a new area, get to know a few people who have been residents longer, preferably, those who have lived is said area their entire lives. This way, when you need a plumber, or landscaper, you can ask the right people who are in the know.
2. After having chosen the wrong landscaper, due to NOT talking to long time residents, make sure you are aware what said wrong landscaper has planted, and what needs to be done to deal with unrecognizable plants on a regular basis. However, before anything is planted, ask for a list of intended foliage and look up how they will appear in the long run. If on said list, you find a plant that will stab you every time you get near it, cross said plant from wrong landscapers intended list. Do NOT, under any circumstances, allow that horrid black plastic garbage bag looking stuff to be inserted into flower bed, even though said wrong landscaper insists it will prevent weeds from growing. It’s a lie. And it rots.
3. Once the said wrong landscaper has finished planting foliage that is totally unfamiliar, be sure to attempt the upkeep of said landscaping. Keep the leaves and weeds, that were suppose to be prevented, from accumulating. I don’t care how incapacitated you are! Hire a kid or something, just don’t let it go for 3-5 years. Trust me! And never fall for the “I’ll do it later” routine from the spouse. 
If need be, do it yourself, even if said spouse is the ‘gardener’ in the family.
4. Having begun the cleanup of said flower bed that was badly planted, with nasty black garbage bag stuff and lots of accumulated dead leaves, remember where you put those muscles you haven’t used due to several years of inactivity due to health issues. Use them slowly, until you build up the ability to actually function more than 15 minutes at a time, without being incapacitated for the next 24 to 48 hours. Gardening/potting muscles are a completely different set of muscles from the leaf raking and black garbage bag yanking muscles, and need to be treated accordingly.
5. Always, when you see something sprouting up in your flower bed, and you KNOW it doesn’t belong there, pull it out! Letting said sprout grow into a tree is not wise. Attempting to pull said tree out, by yanking on roots you find while pulling out rotting black garbage bag stuff may cause more problems than previously thought. Example: Using two hands for pulling stubborn roots is a good idea, however, pulling so hard that when said root finally is extracted from hard ground is likely to land you are your hind end on previously mentioned hard ground, bruising the wide, yet highly non-cushioned tush. I need a doughnut, and I don’t mean the kind you eat!
6. Once your spouse sees you laying on said hard ground after several minutes of ouching and laughing, request a hand up, cautiously. When spouse suggests you call it a day, it might be a good idea to actually listen, instead of attempting to use already sore raking muscles a while longer. Odds are, you will run into one of those spiky type plants you weren’t aware was going to be planted by bad landscaping guy.
7. After deciding enough is enough, and you are in more pain from previous fall on hind end, use extreme caution when going up steps. It is more painful than you might think.
8. Fire ants suck.
Book Review
Every once in a while, I have to do a book review. I read a LOT. And I do mean a WHOLE LOT! I promised one of the authors I would give him an honest review, good or bad, and that’s exactly what I am going to do!
The title, in case you can’t read that, is Only Son, written by Shawn D. Goodwin and Pamela Meister.
So, who is Shawn D. Goodwin? None other than Wyatt Earp of Support Your Local Gunfighter fame, who I link to quite often on my Saturday Laundry thingamajig. How about Pamela Meister? Well, she, ladies and gentlemen, is quite the writer as well, known for her work at Big Hollywood, American Spectator, Family Security Matters, and frequently linked by other big name publications.
I’ve always liked a good murder mystery. I read quite a bit of Agatha Christie in my younger years, then it was Ed McBain (aka Evan Hunter), and a few others that peaked my interest. My tastes in books change from time to time, and I tend to move on to other genres for a while, then circle around.
There are some books that will take a while to get into, and others that will grab your attention right from the opening lines. Only Son caught my attention immediately. Now, I’m not going to tell you the book is of the same caliber as an Agatha Christie novel. As best I know, neither author is British, and definitely live in the modern world. After reading through the first few chapters, the name Ed McBain popped into my mind, and never left.
I’m not going to give spoilers or anything. I will say, if you enjoy a good escape novel, with murder at the center, then I think you’d enjoy this one. For first timers, they’re pretty darn good. Of course, I don’t review books for a living, if I did, I’d find a lot of the ‘best sellers’ at the bottom of a heap on the floor. What others find entertaining, and what I find entertaining, are not always the same. I don’t go in for a lot of sex, four lettered words, or sappy bodice rippers. I like a good solid story that actually goes somewhere.
Ok…here comes the honest review. I really liked this book. That is until the last couple of chapters. It was like they were trying to hurry up and finish, and skipped a few vital points. grrrrrrr But I won’t tell ya which ones, cuz in all seriousness, this was a good read. I mean, yeah, you can figure out what’s what, but up until that point I kept thinking a minimum of 4 stars, maybe even 4 1/2. It’s an easy read, not too complicated, and it gave me a bit of that ‘theater of the mind’. I could see it being made into a TV movie, IF they do a bit of a rewrite that would translate better to the wee screen.
HOWEVER…. “I guess.”???? Wait……what? You better tell me y’all are working on a follow up! Otherwise, I just might have to take a trip up to Pennsylvania! 
So, what I’m going to do is give y’all……
Yup….3 1/2 ‘golden guns’. Hey…it’s a cop book…. with a murder. Guns seemed appropriate.
NOTE: (which has nothing to do with the content of the book) One thing I would like to ask….who set the price on the paperback version? Criminy! That’s pretty high for a paperback. Actually, even the Kindle version seemed rather high for unknown authors. But, oh well.
I’d also like to know who does the proof reading on the Kindle versions of just about EVERY book. This one didn’t have that many typos…one word was left out, but that was all I came across. BUT…in between chapters, there were up to 6 blank pages. I don’t think anything was left out, because it moved from one chapter to the next rather smoothly, but it was really annoying. I know, it’s not the writer’s fault. This is a common complaint of a LOT of Kindle users.
My ‘Dead’ Music
So, you’re asking…what is ‘dead’ music? And even if ya aren’t, I’m gonna tell ya anyway! My ‘dead’ music is a piece of music I want played at my funeral. Well, that is, if we can still AFFORD a funeral. If not, a big ol’ black trash bag will work just as well. What do I care? I won’t be in it. Just a shell, right?
Ok, back to the ‘dead’ music. I first heard this piece of music in 1983, or 84, can’t remember exactly. At the time I was driving home at sunset, and it was just perfect. Listening to it, it actually sounds like a sunset! Well, at least to me it does. And what is physical death? Well, the sun is setting on your earthly life. See? ‘Dead’ music.
I Lived!
Yep…I had the heart cath this morning. Yep…there were blockages. Nope…didn’t get any stents. Doc said they aren’t big enough. Wonder what they call ‘big enough’? Is there were the entire vessel is blocked, and you’ve already succumbed? *shakes head* Well, that’s the good news, at any rate.
The bad news? I was awake through the whole procedure and lemme tell ya….IT HURTS! I was supposed to be knocked plum out! I was the last time they did one. This time? Pfft! Oh, they said they gave me plenty of meds so I wouldn’t feel anything. They lied! I felt EVERYTHING! Ever had a serrated knife shoved in your groin area? I doubt if that would have hurt near as much. You’d think she could have sent me home with a few pain killers while this hole is healing, right? Oh HELL no. Not only did they not believe me when I informed ‘em that I was feeling every single dig into my bod, they evidently don’t think I need anything after for the constant pain.
So now, I’m suppose to ‘take it easy’ for a couple of days, not life anything heavier than 10 pounds (she obviously didn’t weigh my purse before we left), and rest. Well, I can do that! Heh. In the meantime, I’m going to be sprawled out on the bed, watching movies, or reading, or generally being catatonic with the other cats. So, if ya don’t hear from me until tomorrow night, or even Thursday, you’ll know why!
And yes, I did hear that Rick Santorum dropped out of the race. I find it rather odd that he got more people votes than Romney, yet is WAY behind in the delegate department. Somehow, that just doesn’t make sense. I’ll have more to say on the subject in the future, but for right now….I’m going to play potato! 
